21 years of marriage and what have I learned so far
Here are some reflections:
That my husband is truly my best friend.
We make each other better. We have a saying we use with each other, jokingly, I’m calling you on your crap! You know…..that’s what we need sometimes……someone who loves us enough to be patient, but also to call us on our crap! We also call it-keeping it real. I don’t want someone to just flatter me all the time, I don’t need an enabler, and passive aggressiveness just makes things worse. We encourage each other, but we also challenge each other; and when we are not happy about something, we simply tell each other.
I’m reminded of a quote I heard
Love people enough to tell them the truth and respect them enough to trust that they can handle it. – Iyanla
When it comes to others, although I believe in seeing the best in people, I also know not everyone has good intentions and your well-being in mind. We always understood the importance of boundaries, but had been too trusting initially with some people. People’s agenda and intention may not always be in the right place.
I’m reminded of another quote
“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few. Let those few be well-tried, before you give them your confidence”.
(President George Washington)
We don’t discuss the personal issues we may have with any of our family members. Sometimes a family member can be discerning and wise in a situation and actually add positively toward a solution. This could include guiding the person back to resolving it directly with the person they are having the problem with. Sometimes though going to a family member could cause more negative reinforcement. Family members meaning well, might be too quick to defend the one they are closest to or they might only be hearing one side of the story that could lead to an inaccurate judgment.
Nobody is perfect. Sometimes we just need to have grace with one another, sometimes we need to forgive.
Really, this could go with any of our relationships. Keeping them authentic is about being honest, but loving and respectful. Sometimes there may be unhealthy relationships you may need to let go of, maybe temporarily, maybe for good. We’ve had to do this with others ourselves. Not everything is black and white. It is something that takes constant discerning. Its lessons learned and learning that never stops…………….hopefully.