Thuy Smith Outreach International- Living on Purpose

Health and Wellness, Mindfulness, Spirituality, Relationships, Lessons Learned, Recovery, Healing, Empowerment


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21 years of marriage and what have I learned so far………….

21 years of marriage and what have I learned so far

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Here are some reflections:

That my husband is truly my best friend.
We make each other better. We have a saying we use with each other, jokingly, I’m calling you on your crap! You know…..that’s what we need sometimes……someone who loves us enough to be patient, but also to call us on our crap! We also call it-keeping it real. I don’t want someone to just flatter me all the time, I don’t need an enabler, and passive aggressiveness just makes things worse. We encourage each other, but we also challenge each other; and when we are not happy about something, we simply tell each other.

I’m reminded of a quote I heard
Love people enough to tell them the truth and respect them enough to trust that they can handle it. – Iyanla

When it comes to others, although I believe in seeing the best in people, I also know not everyone has good intentions and your well-being in mind. We always understood the importance of boundaries, but had been too trusting initially with some people. People’s agenda and intention may not always be in the right place.

I’m reminded of another quote
“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few. Let those few be well-tried, before you give them your confidence”.
(President George Washington)

We don’t discuss the personal issues we may have with any of our family members. Sometimes a family member can be discerning and wise in a situation and actually add positively toward a solution. This could include guiding the person back to resolving it directly with the person they are having the problem with. Sometimes though going to a family member could cause more negative reinforcement. Family members meaning well, might be too quick to defend the one they are closest to or they might only be hearing one side of the story that could lead to an inaccurate judgment.

Nobody is perfect. Sometimes we just need to have grace with one another, sometimes we need to forgive.

Really, this could go with any of our relationships. Keeping them authentic is about being honest, but loving and respectful. Sometimes there may be unhealthy relationships you may need to let go of, maybe temporarily, maybe for good. We’ve had to do this with others ourselves. Not everything is black and white. It is something that takes constant discerning. Its lessons learned and learning that never stops…………….hopefully.

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Recovery- what does it mean? We all could use a little recovery sometimes.

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Recovery- what does it mean? We all could use a little recovery sometimes.

When a person enters and works through recovery, they become a different person in some ways and yet in other ways remain the same. People begin to have more of a sense of self and are at peace with that, both the good and the “bad”.

Recovery is not always easy. Stopping the using was the “easy part”, but there is all the other work of self-reflection and forgiveness. Forgiveness is in some ways easier to have for others than it is for yourself.

What does recovery mean really? Well I feel first of all it doesn’t have to be a term referring only to people who have found or are seeking recovery from chemical dependency. It can apply to anyone. Anyone can use a “Recovery” from time to time.

Recovery to me means recovery of one’s self. In this way, don’t we all need to find this from time to time?

We lose ourselves when…………….
We don’t draw boundaries with people

When we don’t know how to say no

When we take on more than what is realistic and put too much expectation on ourselves

When we over extend ourselves for whatever reason

When we don’t own our truth and be willing to express- No, I don’t like that or I need this in my life right now

When we are not gentle and forgiving of ourselves

When we don’t take time to slow down to be in the moment and let our mind, body, and spirit rest

It can be easy to fall in any of these traps.

It’s good to not be selfish because that is not only an undesirable characteristic to have; it is never going to be sustainable. At the same time there is the other extreme. Sometimes people are so worried, especially women and all the more if they are mothers, that if they took care of some of their own needs they should feel ashamed of that.

One time I heard person say that “taking care of your self is not selfish, it is Self-full”. When we are full, we are more able to better take care of others, let alone ourselves.

In the end, we are all the same and wanting the same things- Love, to be heard, and know that we have value. So allow yourself permission to recover. We all need a little recovery sometimes. It’s OK and there is NO shame in it.


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There is no love from someone else if I can’t love myself

Self-love and self-care is not selfish, but rather self-full.

Fill yourself up  first so you are able to pour into others,

while not burning yourself out.

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Passive, Assertive, Aggressive……….

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Directness – Author unknown

We feel safe around direct, honest people. They speak their minds, and we know where we stand with them.

Indirect people, people who are afraid to say who they are, what they want, and what they’re feeling. They will somehow act out their truth even though they do not speak it. And it may catch everyone by surprise.

Directness saves time and energy. It removes us as victims. It dispenses with martyrdom and games. It helps us own our power. It creates respectful relationships.

It feels safe to be around direct, honest people. Be one.

Today, I will own my power to be direct. I do not have to be passive, nor do I need to be aggressive. I will become comfortable with truth, so those around me can become more comfortable with me.